Anyone else notice this?

It’s like, maybe if I bang my head HARDER…

Of course, “Working on our relationship” isn’t generally at the top of most guy’s to-do list. But our spouses might expect it. Or we think we SHOULD do it… after all, many experts tell us it’s mandatory.

“But you don’t understand. We have ISSUES.”

Great, so let’s spend our precious time together hashing over our problems for hours on end until we both feel confused, upset and exhausted. Then we can start over again tomorrow, fulfilling the pessimist’s bleak summation: Life is Hard, and Then You Die.

“OK smart guy, what do you suggest?”

Thought you’d never ask! Simple… Celebration!

As Jon Eisman (Senior Hakomi Trainer and originator of the Re-Creation of the Self coaching model) likes to say, “Imagine you have two options: You can spend the next five minutes hitting yourself with a hammer, or you can give yourself a nice relaxing massage. Which would you prefer?”

Similarly, you have a choice to “work on your relationship”… or to celebrate it.

Working on it almost always means focussing on what’s negative, difficult or dark. Celebrating it means focussing on what’s positive, easy and fun. And what happens to anything you focus on? It expands right? Kind of a no-brainer if you ask me.

I’m making a point here - sure, sometimes we need to attend to a problem. But many of us fall into the trap of ONLY attending to problems until we don’t see anything else. It becomes a habit.

What’s actually going RIGHT in your relationship? What do you appreciate? There’s SOMETHING, even if it’s small. Celebrate THAT. Tangibly. Intentionally. Together. With a dinner or a toast or a massage or a kiss or a dance or an embrace or whatever you choose.

You can always come back to the hammer anytime.