Some important things in life are so obvious that they’re often ignored. Much relationship friction (and not the kind you like) can be attributed to these four basic infractions:

1. Lack of Sleep
Since I’ve had kids I’ve seen first hand the human need for rest, both from my own experience of sleep deprivation, and from observing the little munchkins. When little kids get tired they snap. They turn into demons. Adults do too, we just don’t have someone to make us go to bed.

How many times have you been up late into the night arguing passionately about something that seems totally inconsequential in the morning? Or is it just me…

2. Lack of Exercise
Exercise is a natural mood elevator. It also enhances sexual performance. So Just Do It.

3. Stress
We assume that we have to live with high levels of stress and anxiety. We don’t. You have choices. There are TONS of de-stressing techniques and lifestyle changes to explore. One really important thing to notice is how caffeine affects your RQ (That’s Relationship Intelligence). Coffee is so pervasive in our Starbucks culture, we forget how powerful a drug it is. I had to stop drinking coffee because it basically turned me into an asshole. I can squeak by on tea.

4. Poor Eating Habits 
Eating well stabilizes blood sugar and makes you more resilient to relationship stress and challenges. The mealtime ritual can also be a good time for connecting with your sweetheart. I have a lot to say about eating and nutrition but since this is a relationship blog I won’t digress.

So before you start griping on your relationship, or even start couples counselling or coaching, be honest about how well you’re taking care of yourself right now. Sometimes the answer isn’t complicated, it’s right under your nose, and it’s just just a matter of committing. Of course we all WANT to get enough sleep. We WANT to exercise, to reduce our stress levels and to eat well. So now you have even more incentive. 

What’s that you say? It’s hard to stay accountable to yourself? I know someone who specializes in that sort of thing…