Men often crave the relief and satisfaction of completion. We like to do a job well, and move our focus to the next thing.

When our relationship challenges keep resurfacing over time it’s important to remember that relationship mastery is a journey, a gradual (or sometimes sudden) series of deepening experiences. It’s not a destination. Don’t be in too much of a hurry to finish - it’s not done until you draw your last breath! If you’re waiting to find reward until the journey is complete, you’re ripping yourself off, and her too.

Please, celebrate your accomplishments and milestones along the way. Relax into your relationship now, even though you haven’t “mastered” it, knowing that there are always more challenges and rewards to come. 

Learning to rest in the present expansive moment, no matter what the flavour of that moment is - THAT is the path of mastery. Learn to do THAT and your life and relationship will transform.

How to get there? Practice. There is expansiveness in every moment if you will open to it. Every time you forget, it is always there to come back to. Underneath whatever activity is currently commanding your attention - a project or report, sex, an argument, a hockey game - there is a deeper experience to feel into.

This is why many men have meditative or contemplative practices, to get good at feeling into the depth and expansiveness just below normal consciousness.

Despite the deluge of quick fixes, seduction techniques and “secrets” flooding the internet and bookstore shelves, bringing this depth of awareness into your relationship is really what the journey of relationship mastery is all about. And first you’ll probably have to learn to bring it into your life in general. (see Getting to Breakthrough)

Expect your internal blocks to get in the way, many of them un-integrated wounds left over from childhood. Anger, fear, resentment, mistrust and so on can keep us from feeling into the depth and openness of our true selves. This is where good therapy, mentoring, coaching and spiritual and insight practice can be invaluable. Check out some of the books in the sidebar on this site.

May the writing and resources on this web site inspire, inform, challenge and ultimately help you to enjoy your journey.