Jean-Pierre LeBlanc is the author of The One Minute Goddess, and is the man who originally introduced me to Gender Synergy and really helped me get it in my bones through his coaching and mentoring, as well as through the Goddess evenings and Life Bliss retreats. 

Jean-Pierre and I have reconnected quite powerfully recently, and I’m looking forward to personally attending some of the upcoming Co-Ed Goddess evenings and quite likely the Vancouver Life Bliss retreat.

I participated in the Life Bliss retreat in November 2007, and it was fabulous. Awesome Gender Synergy exercises, Enneagram personality typing, Yoga in the mornings… lots of learning in a very fun, supportive and celebratory environment with great food and great people. Highly recommended.

The Goddess evenings are a fun, easy way to learn about Gender Synergy principles and start applying them in your life. They’re free (a donation for Water for Africa is requested), well attended and potentially transformative. 

Here are dates for some of his upcoming events. Hope to connect with you at some of them!

Upcoming Goddess evenings:
September 8 (Bellingham, WA)
September 9 (Vancouver, BC)

Upcoming Life Bliss Retreats:
September 12-14 (Toronto)
September 19-21 (Vancouver)
October 3-5 (California)
 

For full details and registration visit: The Alchemy Network

Men need heroes, and Jim MacLaren is my newest. When he says “I don’t think it’s too way out there to say maybe I was supposed to break my neck,” he brings the idea of turning challenges into opportunities to a whole new level. 

My good friend Jean-Pierre LeBlanc turned me on to this video, which is no surprise given his own passion for turning challenges into opportunities.

By the way, both Jim and a longer version of this video can be found at the Keith Ferrazi Community - an online community of professionals and entrepreneurs who are helping each other succeed through the power of generosity and authentic relationships.

Please come by and look me up!

Cultivating True Success in Life, Work and Relationships

As human beings with a masculine core, men have special gifts to offer the world. Unfortunately, there is generally little support for men to develop to their truest potential. Many men have unknowingly twisted or disowned their true masculine nature in order to survive in confusing times. 

The Masculine Path uncovers these inherent gifts and cultivates the positive masculine qualities in each of us so that we can take greater Leadership in our lives, relationships, organizations and beyond. This men’s group provides challenge, encouragement and accountability on our individual paths of masculine integrity and excellence.

The group is facilitated by Professional Coach, Relationship Mentor and Certified Hakomi Therapist, Justice Schanfarber. This group is not therapy. It is based on principles of Gender Synergy, personal responsibility and developing an integrated, masculine-centred approach to Life, Work and Relationship Success.

The Masculine Path is for Men who:

•  Have a Masculine Core (regardless of sexual orientation)
•  Are willing to develop a deep Honesty with themselves and others
•  Have Goals, Vision or Longing for a Truly Meaningful, Healthy and Successful Life
•  Are ready to improve their Relationships, Marriage and Family Life 
•  Enjoy being Challenged and held Accountable by Conscious, Trustworthy Men
•  Will commit to showing up Real and pushing their Edge
•  Value Integrity and Personal Response-Ability
•  Want to discover their true Masculine Gifts and become a better Man - Husband/Lover/Father/Friend

Because we meet by telephone, this group is accessible to men everywhere.

NEW GROUP STARTS MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 1, 2008! (New Groups starting regularly.)

To Learn More: The Masculine Path

The common way to interpret personal energy is - You either got it or you don’t. If your energy is “low,” you’re tired or depressed. If you have “lots of energy,” you’re amped up, ready to go. This is a quantitative sort of energy where you can imagine yourself as a measuring container with x amount of energy units to spend.

But a more subtle and qualitative sort of energy is just as important and real. This kind of energy is the vibe that we give off (a slang term that is in fact very accurate - all energy vibrates at a particular frequency). 

This qualitative energy can be thought of as both the sum total of our outer expressions (clothes, posture, facial expression, tone of voice), as well as the underlying inner quality of our being.

The important point is that we unconsciously communicate with and affect each other in real and measurable ways… invisibly… energetically. Maybe you have some sense or understanding of this. Did you know that you can consciously transform the kind of energy or vibe you give off, for your benefit as well as everyone else’s? 

For almost 20 years, Heartmath Institute has been measuring and studying the electromagnetic fields (EMFs) that our bodies emit, and they have made some fascinating discoveries:

• Our hearts emit measurable EMFs. So do our brains.
• These EMFs interact with each other, affecting our cognitive abilities and emotional states.

Also:

• Our heart’s EMFs, (as well as our brain’s) extend well out from our bodies and, get this,  affect other people’s hearts and brains!

I’m not going to go deeply into the specifics of this in this post, but suffice to say… You are right now unconsciously affecting your own and other people’s (ie: your lover or spouse’s!) emotional states, cognitive functioning and physiology with your own subtle energies, including the quality of your thoughts and feelings. Imagine the implications for your relationship.

The only question is… will you make it conscious? 

Visit the Heartmath sites, check out their fascinating findings, and take advantage of the resources they offer.

Links:

Blog: The Heartmath Report
Heartmath: Science of the Heart
Solutions For Stress

At the root of any authentic spiritual practice is the cultivation of awareness beyond ego.

Your intimate or romantic relationship has much to offer in this regard. In fact, I suggest that this is one of the primary functions or opportunities that relationships offer.

Generally we enter relationships with the unconscious desire to feed or strengthen our egos, which is useful and appropriate at a certain stage of development. Over time however, The Universe/God/Goddess/Dharma/Awakening Consciousness usually has other plans for us!

The conflict, pain and disappointment that many of us experience in relationship has the potential to break us open in healthy surrender to a deeper aspect of our true selves. 

Once you open to this realization, your relationship landscape will change drastically, with possibilities showing up where bleak hopelessness once reigned. 

A very nifty tool for busy people who want to cultivate deeper awareness in their life and relationship is Spirituality & Practice, a unique online service that offers very digestible email study courses based on the work of leading spiritual teachers, both living and dead.

I received a promo blurb on this in my inbox recently along with an intriguing excerpt. I’ve read What is Enlightenment magazine occasionally over the years, and this issue obviously grabbed my attention. So much so, that I was compelled to try a subscription. I’m really looking forward to receiving this most current issue in the next few weeks and you can expect to see a review or excerpt in an upcoming post.

The excerpt that I received was “Gender Equality Gone Awry (click to read).” 

Oh, you’ll want to read this short manifesto from WIE editor Andrew Cohen as well: “A Call To Arms For The Postmodern Male”

Here’s what the publisher says:
Constructing the New Man
Perspectives on Masculinity in the 21st Century

Continuing the inquiry that began with last summer’s widely discussed issue on women,WIE presents an in-depth look at the twenty-first-century man. What is authentic masculinity today? How has the move toward gender equality changed society’s rules—and roles—for men? Is there a “new man” emerging on the horizon, ready and willing to reshape our culture in the coming decades? Approaching these questions and others through a multidimensional lens, WIE delivers one of our most culturally provocative issues yet. Featuring: Ken Wilber, Andrew Cohen, Ani DiFranco, Harvey Mansfield, Jean Houston, Jenny Wade, Erwin McManus, Rebecca Walker, and more.

Anybody read it yet? Comments? Looks Juicy!

You have a unique opportunity as the primary man in your woman’s life.

She has doubtlessly had negative and painful experiences in relationship to men. For some women these experiences have been mild, for some they have been extreme. Maybe daddy or other adult males ignored her, shouted at her or molested her when she was a young girl. Maybe she had a terrible experience with a boyfriend, uncle or stranger. 

The point is, you can be nearly certain that she is holding some past hurt from a man and that this hurt is leaking into her relationship with you.

Is this your fault? Of course not. Can you do something about it? Absolutely. And when you do - she will benefit, you will benefit and the relationship will prosper. 

So what to do?

1. What you’re (hopefully) already doing.
At the most basic level, simply do your best at what you already know is important. (If you don’t know what is important, read the books in my sidebar and attend my Gender Synergy 101 teleclass!) Listen. Be Patient, Solid and Trustworthy. Know your Heart. Keep working towards being the man you truly want to be. (Again, if you don’t know what this means - find out now! Stop reading, pick up the phone and call me. It’s important.) 

2. Look For Her Missing Experiences.
At the next level, you can get more strategic. What are the missing experiences in her life involving men? What need was never met? Is it having a man listen to her without trying to fix her? Is it having a man keep his word and be accountable? Is it having a man be totally present while she freaks out? Is it feeling safe in her sensuality? Not sure? Listen for clues. Next time she shuts down or accuses “You always…” or “You never…” chances are THAT’S her missing experience. It may or may not actually be true in THIS case, but that’s not the point. This isn’t about YOU right now, it’s about the little girl who didn’t get what she needed. See if you can recognize what her missing experiences are, then provide them lovingly and without fanfare. 

3. Provide Missing Experiences Together.
At the third level you actually strategize together, naming missing experiences and then providing them to each other. This requires a fair bit of trust, willingness and sophistication. A professional third party (generally coach or therapist - I offer this service) can be a valuable facilitator for this process. You may want to check out the Imago Theory of Relationship developed by Harville Hendrix and popularized in his book “Getting the Love You Want.” I’ve worked with this book personally and found it valuable (although like many relationship self-help books it would benefit enormously from an understanding of Gender Synergy principles!). 

This healing approach to relationship provides many benefits:

• When you ask yourself “Hmmm, what’s her missing experience here?” you automatically step back from a volatile situation and get some perspective, making yourself less likely to get “hooked” and throw gas on the fire. It gives you a framework that lets you take conflict less personally.
• She gets met from you in a whole new way and sees you with new eyes.
• Entrenched relationship systems get infused with a new kind of energy.
• Your relationship takes a bigger form and gains a new sense of meaning and mission (Oh, we’re here to heal each other…).

By making an intention to help your woman heal, through her relationship with you, you also give yourself an opportunity to cultivate the positive masculine traits that will drive your own success and healing in every aspect of your life. Consider this, for many guys, it is the sense of mission, of rising to the challenge, of succeeding in the face of adversity, of truly serving… that is the masculine missing experience. 

Pitfalls… beware:

• You are not your partner’s therapist! Don’t get clinical or analytical with her. She’ll probably hate it. Show up authentically as her lover.
• You are not responsible for her actions. 
• Not everyone is ready to jump into this kind of work. Approach it gently and compassionately. Like Gender Synergy, the benefits of this approach can be enjoyed with or without your woman’s conscious participation.  
• She’ll probably test you. She’ll wonder, “Is this for real?” Maybe she’ll turn up the heat and see if you crumble. At level 3 you might name this. Whatever else you do, get support from outside the relationship - your conscious buddies, men’s group, coach, counsellor or therapist: this is critical!

(Note: Today’s post is by Charlie Badenhop. Find out more about his work by following the links at the bottom of the post.)

About thirty seven years ago I was both unlucky and lucky enough, to be incarcerated for five months in a Greek prison during a military dictatorship. Myself and many other foreigners were swept up by the military government in an attempt to rid the country of “undesireables”. 

I say “unlucky” because even though I was never charged with a crime, I was forced to live in harsh and dangerous prison conditions. I say “lucky” because I met some of the finest people in the world while in jail, and learned much that has sustained me in the rest of my life. 

I’ve decided to finally share some of my Greek stories with you, in the hope that you might benefit from what I learned “the hard way.” 

________________________________________

My first day in jail I met an unshaven Greek man in his sixties. I had been placed in a holding cell, and spent 48 hours with this gentleman by the name of Stephan, and one other man. As it turned out, Stephan wound up in the same prison as me, and he was to become my benefactor and friend. 

After sizing me up for an hour or so and saying nothing, Stephan sidled up alongside of me and offered the following gems of wisdom. 

“You’ll need to learn quickly in here” he said, “You have no choice.” 

“Life is not fair. If anyone led you to believe it’s supposed to be, then they’ve badly misled you. Getting angry about what’s unfair will not serve you. When you hear an angry voice in your head, know it as an enemy. Anger will only tend to make you act without wisdom.” 

“If you’re not angry then you’ll tend to have a good relationship with time. In jail, time is an ally. Time is all you have and you have to spend it wisely. When you’re not angry and you’re getting along well with time, you’ll tend to get along well with people. Good relationships and strong bonds of friendship are crucial.”

“If you’re in a good relationship with time and people, you’ll tend to be more patient. Patience is another important ally. The more you try and hurry the more likely you are to stumble. If you’re patient you’ll have more peace of mind, and you might even occasionally feel happy. The more you watch others who are impatient and try to rush things, the more you’ll understand that impatience is a cousin of fear.”

“It’s important to cultivate a heart that’s free from fear. When you’re fearful you won’t have the courage it takes to defend yourself and do what’s right. Fear is not something you will easily overcome but you need to do your best no matter what, because you’ll need to learn to endure pain and suffering rather than trying to run away from it. There is no place to run.”

“When you’re fearful you lose the ability to speak the truth at the times when truth is most important. In here you’re going to need to learn how to live amongst thieves, murderers, and con artists. These people will talk all sorts of nonsense to try and get what they want from you. Because of this it’s important you speak in a clear and simple manner, so people can feel the truth of your words. You need to defend the truth as if it was your child.”

“It’s not the bars on the windows and doors that keep you in jail, but rather the thoughts you hold in your head and in your heart. If you want to be free, you need to be thankful for the time you have to spend here. I really mean that! You need to have a sense of gratitude no matter what happens, and express your thanks by being kind to other people. You see, it’s the expression of gratitude and kindness that will strengthen you to endure physical and emotional hardships. Gratitude and kindness reconnect you to the spirit that animates all of life. In the process you learn that even as there might be more pain and suffering in the future, there will also be more of you.” 

“And finally, it’s important to know it’s a strength to weep for others, while all the time never feeling sorry for yourself.” 

Stephan paused and stared into my eyes. 

“Take some time with all that I say here. Sit by yourself if you need to. Breathe deeply and take in the signs of life and spirit, that are all around you. Find a way to ask for the things that cannot be spoken of in words.”

(From Pure Heart, Simple Mind. By Charlie Badenhop - originator of Seishindo.  (c) All rights reserved.)

I stumbled upon Wayne Levine’s BetterMen site recently while browsing men’s resources online. I shot him an email in support of his work and he quickly replied, then mailed me a copy of his book - Hold On To Your N.U.T.s: The Relationship Manual for Men.

I was a bit sceptical. With the squirrel on the cover and chapter titles like “Silence the Little Boy,” I half-expected a shallow, confrontational and possibly venomous approach to relationship issues.

However, Wayne’s depth of character, understanding and wisdom quickly becomes apparent. The writing is well grounded, humorous, and honest. The tools Wayne offers, while perhaps appearing simple or surface, actually open the door to a depth of experience that is profound: owning your Masculinity and using your masculine gifts to create a successful relationship, and ultimately a better world. He doesn’t use these words, he just tells you how to fix your relationship with simple directions that virtually any guy can understand and relate to. 

That is where this book totally succeeds: Wayne simplifies becoming a “Better Man” into a step-by-step program that has mass appeal to typical guys. You don’t have to be “deep.” Having done a lot of “inner work” is not a pre-requisite.

Hold On To Your N.U.T.s is certainly an invitation to depth and self-growth - accept the challenges in this book and you WILL deepen and grow - but in a truly masculine way, which is notably different from the feminine path. 

The potential exists (and my hope is) for this book to pave the way for more mainstream participation in the powerful Men’s Work that is happening around the world. With the feelings of shame, dis-empowerment, frustration and confusion that run rampant among men and boys today, it’s no easy task to convince them to step up and take responsibility for creating successful relationships with women and the world. Perhaps this book will make a difference. I know I’ll use it, in fact I already have.

Most guys won’t ask for directions until they’re completely lost. My advice? Buy this map at the first sign of trouble.

A couple days ago I received an invitation for a free online course from my friends at Integral Life.

The course focuses on understanding and applying Eckhart Tolle’s book “The Power of Now,” a great book which I highly recommend.

Now, there’s a lot of these free courses and offers out there and I’m a little skeptical of some of them, but this one features some teachers that really catch my interest, especially Ken Wilber and Byron Katie.

I listened to the first recording, an interview with Zen Master Genpo Roshi, last night and I’ve decided to invite my readers to check it out.

So… Here are the links and info. Enjoy!

(PS- yes, this is highly relevant stuff for improving your relationship)

If you’re already interested click here: www.masteringthepowerofnow.com/?=ILP

This free online course (which you can share with anyone) features world-renowned spiritual teachers, many that you are already familiar with if you’re an Integral fan:

• Ken Wilber, philosopher, author, spiritual teacher, and founder of Integral Institute, Integral Life, and the Integral Spiritual Center…
• Zen Master Genpo Roshi, creator of the Big Mind process, a method that facilitates an experience of transcendent states of awareness (what Tolle calls Presence), and an Integral Spiritual Center (ISC) Teacher
• Sensei Diane Hamilton, a Sensei dedicated to Integral Zen, and an ISC teacher
• Sally Kempton, Yoga Journal columnist ISC Teacher and one of today’s most insightful and experienced teachers of meditation and spiritual growth
• Saniel Bonder and Linda Groves-Bonder founders of “Waking Down in Mutuality”, and ISC Teachers.
• Byron Katie, spiritual teacher, best-selling author, workshop leader, and creator of The Work…
• Bill Harris, fonder of Holosync, known for its capacity to train states of mind.
Here are some of the things you’ll learn from the discussions with these teachers:

• A map that makes sense of “the now,” of spirituality, and spiritual practice in general
• Shadow aspects of your self that pull you out of “now”
• The stages of self-actualization
• Practices for all aspects of the self: spirit and mind and body, and shadow
• Integrating your realization into your everyday life.
If you’re interested click here: www.masteringthepowerofnow.com/?=ILP

This free class is made up of seven weekly 60 to 90 minute audio lessons, one each week for seven weeks. Each lesson is an unedited and spontaneous conversation between Bill Harris and spiritual teachers who embody and teach the awakened spiritual awareness Eckhart Tolle discusses in his best-selling books, The Power of Now and A New Earth, and in his online lessons with Oprah Winfrey.

You’ll also receive a transcript of each lesson making it easier to review and master the information it contains.

To enroll—at no charge whatsoever, no secret hidden fees, it’s just a gift to you—click here: www.masteringthepowerofnow.com/?=ILP