(note: Eckhart Tolle points out in “A New Earth” that a literal translation of “sin” is “to miss the mark.”)

1. Treating her like a buddy

If her pants are getting tight, don’t tease her. Don’t compete with her, or make her compete with you. Don’t bring up stupid things she’s done when you’re out with friends. Don’t even challenge her or hold her accountable the way you would a friend. She’s not a buddy. She’s a radiant goddess, a queen, the divine feminine manifest. Treat her accordingly.

2. Criticizing

She knows when she screws up. The last thing on earth she needs is your criticism. Ever.

3. Retreating too far into the relationship

You have a purpose in the world. You have friends, work, hobbies, goals, and perhaps a spiritual practice. Take refuge in your relationship as it serves you, but keep your direction too. Ultimately this will serve the relationship more than losing yourself in it.

4. Asking friends and family for advice

This is something she’s more likely to do, but guys do it too. Don’t. Friends and family are well-meaning but are generally part of the system. They lack objectivity and sometimes sense. Support and camaraderie don’t have to descend into advice and opinion slinging, though they often do. Educate your friends and family about what’s actually in service to you and your relationship and if they still don’t get it, steer the conversation elsewhere.

5. Not getting help when you need it

That said, sometimes you need help. Help can look like a million different things, so choose what feels right to you. There are coaches, counsellors, pastors, yogis, energy workers, workshops, groups and more. Go to someone who is skilled, without bias, and committed to being truly in service.

6. Keeping one foot out the door

Ooh this one’s nasty. Most women can sense this even when you don’t even know you’re doing it! If she can’t trust you, you’re sunk.

7. Assuming your relationship will take care of itself

If you’re like lots of guys, you have a to-do list. Put your relationship somewhere near the top. This DOESN’T mean creating a relationship make-work project. It means honouring each other enough to make time for connection, intimacy, sex, recreation, fun, dinner, dates, checking-in, celebration and generally enjoying each other!